frustration
helplessness
exhaustion
love
depression
hope
defeat
You may experience these emotions all in one day, in one hour, maybe even one minute.
One of the favorite and also least favorite moments of this journey was on a Sunday. My husband and I had just left church, we were driving to his grandparent's house for lunch. We started fighting. He had said something that upset me. It was probably not what he said but how he said it. It may have not even been what he said or how he said it that upset me, it may have just been at that moment anything would have upset me. I was so upset, I was sobbing, and half yelling, basically incoherent. He was just trying to console me while driving. Nothing was helping. He has to be one of the most patient men on the planet.
I forgot to mention it was down pouring.
So in the middle of this horrendous fight I look out the window and start to pout (because I am a very mature adult). Then I begin to laugh so loud! I'm talking a major guffaw! All while my husband looks on mystified.
Did I also mention you also have major mood swings during infertility?
This one, at least, was warranted. You see, I looked out the window and there he was, a man power washing his driveway, in the driving rain. This man was drenched. At this point in my life that was the funniest possible thing I could even think of. So maybe this was just a strange example of the many emotions and moods that come with infertility.
Unfortunately, recently my emotions have been the sadder emotions. Defeat, is possibly, the most obvious. I now officially know someone that has been pregnant, delivered her child, and is once again pregnant within the amount of time that William and I have been trying. So feeling defeated is my main emotion currently. But another very prominent emotion is love. Love, because during all of these times my husband has been a huge support even though he is experiencing this along with me. Love because all of my friends and family have given me encouraging words. Love because sometimes I can feel the prayers being sent our way.
Finally and probably most importantly, we are moving on to Part 4: meeting our infertility doctor.
I'm sure a very long post will follow soon to recount all of our new adventures with my new Doctor.
