Baby Walker

Here it is, I'm sad. I don't know what to say. I don't know war to do so I'm just going to type. Type without thinking. In literature class during college my professor would say just start writing and eventually you will be able to get to the point. Don't expect me to get there soon.. I've been thinking about Baby Walker all day today. What do I do? Brittany and I talked about it at work today. She explained that she and her husband had to try for a long time to have their daughter. and that things worked out better because of it. I could see it. I understand. and i bet if that happens in my life yes it will help. I responded with I have started to think and worry less about getting pregnant and being more worried about if there is something actually wrong... That was just a little white lie. Although it's something that I am anxious about it;s still not my main concern. But my thoughts of Baby walker aren't constant anymore. So that's good. Also today i found out one of William's friends is pregnant. And that's great! I was so happy for her that I squealed...literally in the middle of the front office of my place of work. They've been married about 2 years longer than we have. And they have been trying just a little longer than us. I was genuinely happy for them. I understand the pain they are going through. But since then I have been constantly thinking...Baby, Baby Walker, Nurseries, Annslee, Pierce.... 

It really doesn't help that I work at a pediatric dental office. I cleaned several 2 and 3 year old baby teeth all day. I see pregnant people all the time in my work... Im so blessed in my job. Im so blessed in my marriage... I'm happy. but I'm also sad...bc well I'm a woman. 

I'm going to have so much love for my baby when it's my turn. 

My head hurts, I feel like i want to/ should cry but I just can't. I have to know God will bless us when it's time. I have faith. I hope I've given this to God. I hope that my urge to cry and not being able to cry or having a desire to cry shows that I know God will do what he sees fit. And if that means no Baby Walker...Well then no Baby Walker. But I'm not giving up. 

And while I'm waiting, I'm praying.