I want so bad to be ok. And I am. I want to be happy. And I am. But currently I cannot breath. It's possibly because I have given up hope. I knew this month wasn't it. I told William the other day.. I don't feel anything. I felt empty. I felt not pregnant. I've never been pregnant but I knew somehow that I still wasn't. Because I just felt empty, void.
So eleven.... I read an article today and it said:
11 percent of married women under 29 also experienced infertility. In that age group, infertility is defined as one year of trying and failing to conceive.
One year of trying and FAILING to conceive. (that also stole my breath) So by definition, I am not technically infertile. And this is an internal battle I have been waging since about the 6 month of trying.
Another thing I have been struggling with recently is telling people that we have been trying. Because of this definition. Also because it's private, but I want to share this with people.
I know there are so many others out there that have been trying for so much longer than we have. I've been reading other blogs about women who have been trying 40 months... And I feel for those women. I pray for those women. But I have to realize this does not diminish this journey I am going through currently.
What part of the journey are we on? Month/cycle 11
I am classifying this as the waiting portion of this journey. That's because: I am waiting, waiting for the 12th month so that I can contact my doctor to schedule testing. Mostly I am waiting on the Lord.
No comments:
Post a Comment