I'm Happy for you, But I'm sad for me.

Dear Friend/ Acquaintance/Random person on Youtube,
You just announced you are pregnant. The joy on your face says it all. Your family and friends are all excitedly commenting on your post their congratulations! I "like" the post hoping that is enough. Because I'm happy for you but sad for me.
I've not seen you for many years. But I feel as if I still kind of know whats going on in your life due to your Facebook/blogger/twitter/general social media websites. I noticed when you started dating that pretty good looking fella (around the time I started dating my pretty handsome man). I liked many of your wedding photos you posted after your nuptials last year. Now here it is. Your precious blessing is being announced to the world. I really mean it when I say I am happy for you! I am so excited you will get to experience the joy of having a tiny human barge into your life. Again I'm happy for you but sad for me.
I feel as if our journey has almost coincided. Until this point. Then I realize... we have been trying longer than you have been married. I can't stress this enough..I am happy for you but sad for me.
As I scroll passed your new, completely adorable, baby announcement I see a video that I am urged to see by the general Facebook community. It says you must see this! How cute is this baby announcement! So of course I click! As I watch it I start tearing up. How exciting and precious this moment is for this couple! The link said they tried for over a year! We are in the same boat as they were! I will get my moment! So I start crying as the new father begins to cry. Because he is so happy! And I am so happy...you guessed it.. Happy for them, sad for us.

Sincerely,
Your acquaintance/random social media stalker


I'm hoping that letter didn't seem bitter, I promise I'm not bitter! Because I am truly happy for those who are nurturing their little blessings! As their journey into parenthood begins, Our journey into fertility testing continues.
I have great news! I'm about to over share (I feel like this whole blog is now an over share)...
Dun Duh DUNNNN... I OVULATED! (insert applause here!)
Last Wednesday I got a flashing smiley face on my ovulation tester. SO hooray!! That means it was my peak day of ovulation! I immediately called my OB and set up a blood work appointment. I go in tomorrow to have blood drawn to check my level of progesterone. William goes to a specialist day after tomorrow to start his testing. It's our first big expense. But at this point an answer will be worth every penny!

Lastly, please let me express how amazing all of you are. The outpouring of love we have received since my last blog post has been overwhelming. I'm not much of a sharer (that cannot be a real word) in real life. I'm a plaster a smile on your face and go on about your business type so it was very hard for me to post anything. Even more difficult to make it public. Everyone was so sweet to us. My bosses, my co-workers, my friends, my family. Each kind word and hug has been more help than you can imagine. I know through most of them I have been so awkward but like I said I'm not a sharer. I hope you understand why I awkwardly changed the subject after about 2 seconds! Seriously though, Thank you, thank you, thank you! From the bottom of my heart!

So Part 3, Step 1, Section A: ovulation testing completed and subsequent blood work begins tomorrow, I will update you as the results come in (if there is anyone actually reading this).

Part 3, Step 1:

   Today felt like a beginning. Y'all it's officially been a full 12 months (well technically 13 but who is counting :)) So I guess today was a middle...But it felt like a beginning.

I'm not making any sense...

Quick recap:
Part 1: First comes love, then comes marriage, then Eden and William decide to have a baby.
Part 2: 12 months of trying to have a baby. 12 difficult, trying, overwhelming, months. (although this time hasn't been an easy part of our lives it's a part of my life that I have learned so much. I will always remember how hard this part of my life has been but I will also remember that there was sunshine through every cloudy day)
Part 3: (this is our new beginning) We go to my lady doctor and finally start making a real plan.

   So here we are. Part 3. I honestly thought I would be anxious but nope...I'm excited! We have a plan. We are moving forward. I am praying for answers. I know I've blogged this before but I am kind of hoping there is something wrong... Now don't freak out... I don't want to have a major problem, I'm hoping for a hormonal imbalance. Something that is wrong but not too wrong. I realize how bad that looks/ reads. I know there are people out there who are wishing with everything they have that there is nothing wrong with them. but hopefully in this instance my hope to have a small, fixable problem will make sense to everyone reading this.
    How do we get answers? We start asking the right questions. Question #1: Are my progesterone levels correct? What exactly is Progesterone, you may ask? That's a great question that I myself have been wondering.

pro·ges·ter·one

prōˈjestəˌrōn/

noun

BIOCHEMISTRY

1. a steroid hormone released by the corpus luteum that stimulates the uterus to prepare for pregnancy.

I'm Sorry Google...WHAT?!
  Best I can understand: it prepares the uterus for pregnancy by thickening the lining. This hormone drops when its time for the lady visitor to come by. But if you have been blessed by a miracle and your precious new baby has been implanted in that thick lining then your body will continually produce this hormone until it's time to deliver! That's only if every thing is working correctly. Sometimes your brain doesn't produce enough of this hormone to send the message to the rest of your body that you're pregnant. Meaning you may have a successful meeting of the mom and dad, and the baby may implant in the uterus but that hormone isn't sending the message to everyone else in the body so boom...period, no baby in 9 months.
   Bad news: This could be why we have not had a baby in 13 months.
   Good news: All it takes is a blood test to know if your level of progesterone is low. And there's a        
                       pill that can put you at the right level.

Part 3, Step 1: I have to begin taking ovulation tests again (not fun..they aren't the cheapest thing in the world. Not to mention we have used them for several months so that is adding up..Not trying to complain just trying to be real. This crap ain't cheap.) Once I get a positive I need to call and book a lab appointment to have blood drawn between the days 5 and 7 of my cycle. If I do NOT get a positive day of ovulation this month I have to go around day 22 of my cycle.

So there is it folks. The first step to this problem solving mission. Maybe this is our answer...I'll let you know later this month!

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