This stage of my life has been one of the most challenging, as well as the strangest time in my life. Perhaps I should catch you up...Life with infertility has continued no matter how much I had hoped this portion of my life would already be a memory. Yet here I am, still with out a baby, and still with out the most coveted title I could achieve; Mother.
Exciting news: I have met my infertility doctor (which through reading other blogs I have found out they are actually titled Reproductive Endocrinologists or RE for short) and I fell in love with her. I can't say enough about this woman! I have only had a couple of appointments with her, but I look forward to seeing her. Maybe that's crazy to say. I guess this should be another sad part of the journey but I think God sent her my way. She is a light in this dark time of my life. When I had my initial visit with her I felt at ease. She greeted me with the biggest smile and gave me all the encouragement I could ask for. The next couple of appointments should have been the scariest time in my life. We began testing again and I should have been on pins and needles and yet I was relaxed and trusted her completely. Moral of the story I have a borderline unhealthy love (ok slight obsession) with my reproductive endocrinologist.
The tests began. Several more blood tests (For real...SEVERAL), an internal ultrasound to check my ovaries for cysts and number of follicles, and then a test called a Femvue. All tests looked good. The blood tests return results that had slightly improved since my OBGYN did the initial work up. The first internal ultrasound showed I have a healthy amount of eggs and follicles.
Then we came to the Femvue. This test involved another internal ultrasound that looked at my uterus. They were looking for abnormalities, growths, etc. The very sweet tech was doing this exam and I could tell she had seen something. No one panic!! There was no tumor or baby or anything crazy exciting but there was Something. So she took some measurements and printed out a picture and went to get my RE to continue the Femvue. Once my Doctor came in (her name is Dr. Best btw) she said there was an abnormality in the initial ultrasound but it was nothing to be concerned about. She then started the second part of the test. (Warning..Graphic material ahead!!!)
The second part of the Femvue involved injecting a dye into my uterus. She had to inject enough to fill my fallopian tubes and see that the die was spilling out of them. This would show they were not blocked. Here's the graphic part: in order to complete this test Dr. Best first inserted a speculum to keep everything open, Next she reinserted the internal ultrasound wand, finally she inserted a tube and began filling my uterus with dye. We were both excited when the test showed each fallopian tube being open. Back to the ultrasound at the beginning of the appointment. Dr. Best told me she saw something that could possibly be 2 polyps or 2 fibroids.
From here the next action was planned. I would need a small outpatient surgery. When lead to me needing to be put on a certain medication so that the surgery could be scheduled anytime of the month. That medication was birth control. I was resistant to say the least. Ironically at the time I was prescribed a couple of medications. My med list included birth control and pre natal vitamins....strange.
I had this surgery completed last Tuesday. I had a hysteroscopy and a polypectomy. The removed a polyp that was 2 cm in diameter. ( about the size of a quarter) it was so large it was completely blocking one of my fallopian tubes and irritating my uterus a whole bunch. It basically acted like an IUD.
So now everyone (including me) is thinking...Hey that's a big problem! It's fixed now! Start trying again. But I don't want to get my hopes up again.
I also may have skipped over a small detail. Dr. Best sent William to a man specialist. They also completed more testing for him. They found he has some small issues (including low testosterone, and a varicose vein in a very unfortunate location) Both issues can and will be fixed but if we fix them now it will be a full year before we could get pregnant at all. Even through IVF.
Now you're all caught up. Present day. We have to go for my post-op. This is where we discuss all the findings from all the tests and establish the final plan to FINALLY GET PREGNANT!!
We are hoping, since the polyp is gone, and William's problems are not the worst problems you could have, that possibly we could get pregnant naturally. BUT again I am not getting my hopes up. I still think we are going to have to do IVF.
Now begins the waiting game. 10 days and counting until we can make another plan. 10 days and we can move forward! I'm going to be truthful, I am so tired of waiting. 1 year and 6 months of waiting so far. I'm trying to not be bitter but it's starting to get very difficult.
Tonight was a real test for me. My parents were at church with William and myself. Some of our family members came in. Including a new baby in our family. The baby's mother is my cousin. The baby was an unexpected blessing. When my cousin announced her pregnancy William and I had been trying to have a baby for several months.
The baby is precious. He is super cute and irresistible. My parents got to hold him. He sat in their lap and they began playing with him. I seriously lost it. I couldn't stop crying because that was supposed to be my baby. My parents were supposed to be bouncing my baby on their knee. And yet we are still waiting. And now I am becoming so bitter. And yet I keep thinking of this song:
I've got so much to thank Him for. So much to praise Him for! Well you see, He has
been so good to me! And when I think of all he's done and where He brought me from
I've got so much to thank Him for!
I try to remember God's goodness! I try to remember all my blessings. They are too many to count. I just have to remember: While I'm Waiting I WILL serve Him!
