Hannah Faith

     In May, we had our first IUI. It was a time of learning. I learned what heart burn felt like, I know about hCg levels, and chemical pregnancies. I also learned God will get you through all sorts of situations you never thought you could handle. 
     You see, it worked! YAY!! We got a positive pregnancy test. I went in for blood work and everything seemed normal.They requirement is that your hCg levels double every 2 days, That indicates a normal pregnancy. They asked me to come back and nothing was normal...My levels had suspended. They asked me back again and saw that the levels were falling.  I was told then that I was experiencing a Chemical pregnancy. They try to tell you that you weren't ever truly pregnant. Since it's so early and there was no physical characteristics of a pregnancy (they couldn't detect it on an ultrasound) they determined my pregnancy was chemical. There was never a "real baby." William and I have a problem with that. God's creation is a life. No matter how early. Our baby was our first baby. For the next couple of weeks I went through a very trying time of waiting. I was ok waiting to find out if I was pregnant; but waiting to lose the baby was torture. They tell you it's coming and you try to prepare yourself but there is no way to make yourself ready to see the evidence of that life coming to an end. Through faith and prayer we were able to make it through this trial in our lives. 
                                              There is no one holy like the Lord;
                                                         there is no one besides you;
                                                         there is no Rock like our God.
                                                                                   1st Samuel 2:2

        There is a woman in the Bible named Hannah. She was a strong, well loved woman. She also happened to be barren.  Many use her journey as an inspiration for their infertility. I am also one of those people. This story became the the hope I was desperate for. As I read about her life I was so inspired by her faith. She truly believed in God's grace and goodness! 

         Perhaps that's why we named our baby Hannah Faith.  Hannah was due early February. We lost her when I was close to 5 weeks pregnant (super early, I know, but it still counts). Let me admit something to all of y'all, All of you announcing pregnancy that are due in February...You're killing me. But I'm happy for y'all. Sad for us. 


         So with heavy hearts, lots of prayers, and our Doctor's permission; we started our second round of fertility treatments. The positive side: we know we can get pregnant! I consider that a huge positive. Another positive is that our doctor sees no reason why we would have another chemical pregnancy. Saying that, it is difficult to move on so quickly. Another worry is that if we do have another chemical pregnancy we will have to start more tests and make sure nothing else is wrong with me. 

   This Sunday we had our second treatment. So here we are waiting. Waiting to take another pregnancy test and see if it worked again. Waiting to see if that test is positive. Then the real wait will start. I am praying we will not have another chemical pregnancy. My sweet friend Amanda said she is praying for a sustained life. I just love that prayer and I pray for that everyday. 

    Trying to keep my nerves from going nuts. Trying to stay calm. Mostly We're praying.